Pride and Playtime aka The Fixer's Nightmare!!!

The male peacock is a beautiful creature, and fancy dresser to boot! They strut around the peahens all day, spreading their marvelous plume of feathers for all to see, as each one proves they are the suitable mate and would-be father to a plethora of chicks. And why shouldn't they be proud? They have stamina, drive, been in the game of being male for as long as they can remember, right? We all know this pride as parents.

The first time our little one rolls over. Holds their head up. Shakes a toy that was "meant" to shake. Crawls for the first time, only to be surpassed by them walking, running, catching and throwing balls. The list goes on as to the accomplishments our children strive to and blow us away with. And we have every right to be proud of them. In the grand geneological scheme of things, our children are a perfect mirror image of our success as parents. Who wouldn't be proud of their child as they learn to use the bathroom, or sleep all the way through the night. These are highlight moments that we shall forever treasure.

And yet, as proud parents, we still take our own sense of responsibility and accomplishment with the natural progress our children have done. We, after all, were there for them when they needed us most, right? When the ball fell out of their hands, we picked it up and put it right back for them. What handy helpers we are to our children! 

There comes a time, in children's play and exploratory practice, whether it be in the classroom/daycare or at home, that the parent needn't assist in what is or could happen to your child. This is not to say that if you see a toy about to fall on their noggin that you should merely ignore said toy and "see what happens". That's simply cruel. And besides, you would expect your child to yell a resounding "Look out!!" were it about to occur to you, right?

All too often though, we as parents, and as fathers as well (we are the "fixers, by nature's engineering), find an inherent need to step into the picture of our child's discovery periods and right what seems wrong.

For example: Child A grabs a plastic ring, while experiencing some well needed tummy-time, while CaveDad sits idly by, and monitors his child's playtime. Child A drops the plastic ring, due to some manueverability issue affecting their gross motor skills. CaveDad assumes it is time to "help" Child A, and picks up the plastic ring and puts it back into Child A's hands. Child A drops said ring once again. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

The "problem" here is CaveDad's preconceived notion that Child A wants to hold on to the plastic ring. Perhaps Child A was testing to see what noise it made when they dropped it on the ground. Perhaps it was too awkward for them to carry, and they wished to try something different. Perhaps the texture wasn't what they liked to feel at that time of the day. The idea here is that we don't know, and should've taken a little more time putting less energy into "helping/fixing" the situation, and more time into waiting and watching.

We, as parents and care workers, have a sense of pride that, at times, can be our downfall when attempting to relate to the smaller people in our care. We take on the role of "assistant" to their desires, even when we don't necessarily know what those desires are. It's high time we sit back and wait and watch for a while. Perhaps a long while. Remember, trust is key here. We have to take the time and swallow our pride if we are ever going to learn what our children are trying to teach themselves.

So, when your child rolls off the rug during playtime, and you put them back on the rug, only to have them roll off once again...take a moment, breathe, step back, and watch your child become nature's scientist.

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Let the child choose...

If you have seen the movie "Accepted", you are on your way to understanding what emergent curriculum is....

If you haven't seen it, go out and rent it, torrent it, or cue it up in Netflix. It's a brilliant example of what it means to instill a free-spirited and yet stabilized method of teaching.

Now, I know what you might be thinking:
"Huh?"

Getting prepared to enter into the world of early childhood education, I take higher interest in emergent curriculum as a form of teaching. Because, hey, who knows better what they want to learn than the child his/herself. I, for one, am certain that were I able to pick my own curriculum at insert local community college here, that I would've jumped (nay....leaped) at the chance!

For those that aren't quite familiar with the term emergent curriculum, it stems from the idea that we follow the child on their journey through life, uninterrupted by our need to instill a destination or outcome. When focus is given on a certain topic, whether that be slugs, bugs, paint, water or holes, we help to broaden their concept of what they are interested in and thus build our lesson around the focus of their discovery. Quite brilliant, eh?

Children have a way of showing us what they need in order to progress intellectually and emotionally. I believe it to be high time more child care centers start taking a little less time worrying about what the child should be learning, and a little more time focusing on what the child wants to learn.

The worry over teaching and involving children in dynamically structured lessons due to your crucial desire to stuff as much into their little heads during what has been overtly and obtusely referred to as their "formative years", is grossly overrated and highly unnecessary. Your child (just like mine and everyone else's) will formulate synaptic patterns just as efficiently as they are naturally meant to.

I believe the key here is to repeat this mantra everytime you hear the words "lesson plan":

Let the child choose.

It'll never let you down, because, all in all, they know what's best for their brain.

Let nature take it's course. It's been doing a great job for about 250,000 years or so.

Isn't it time to change, Dad?

            

               I see it as I apply for child care positions in and around the Portland, Oregon/Multnomah County area. There is a subtle, yet disturbing complexity and even more upsetting simplicity to the thought that men weren't made to care for children in a professional environment, nevertheless a personal environment. It saddens me, and yet, doesn't truly surprise me. Not yet at least.

It's easy to assume that when dad is at home, he is dad. Play with the children at his leisure Make sure there is bread to toast in the morning, that his coffee is sitting beside him when he wakes up. Don't bother him if he's in the garage because he is dad. These are mild examples of how the western world thinks of the male figure in the household environment. That's not to say that it is like that everywhere in this country. It is a pretty standard and prevalent thought pattern that has developed, and I only blame one person. Dad.

Not my dad, persay. Not your dad. But dads everywhere. It's our fault, guys. We didn't stop this assumption from taking place, and now it's our duty to oversee it's deconstruction and rebuild the world's eyes from the ground up.

               Ever since we asked "What's for dinner, dear?", we played into the almighty contraption. One that speaks volumes about our negligence in the homestead, and even more so, towards our partners and children. We have allowed our partners to take the brunt of our bad days, and yet still tend to our needs, our children's needs and the needs of their employers, not to mention the rest of the world, as well. Did we ever come to think what their world would look like were they to just "let go" and tell us exactly what they were thinking, all the time? I don't have a keyboard sturdy enough to exercise all that would entail in that conversation, but I can assure you.....it probably wouldn't be pretty.

All in all, we are responsible for what we have done to our reputations as men and dads. We need to stand up & take charge of our selves in such a manner that we are able to bend and flex, for the greater good of our children, our relationships with them, as well as those with our partners.

Flowers do not say you are sorry. Band-aids do not say they will heal. Action, and being pro-active in our lives. These lives we have created. This is what will move the restrictions of what we have constructed. We stood around for so long, waiting to be served upon. Hand and foot. For ages it's happened. And it is time for change to occur, for the benefit of all human beings. Being sensitive to the needs of all beings does not mean we are less than men. It means we are whole men.

I, for one, have began the change in myself. I look forward to meeting more complex cavedads out there that have began this change, for the greater good of the leaders of tomorrow. They deserve and desire our masculine energy, just as much as our feminine counterparts.